How was my day? Well. Mostly I’m numb and I’m going by rote and I’m clinging to what I’ve learned, over many years, about staying safe.
Yesterday, I got upset with a courier delivering my groceries. All groceries were meant to be no-contact, which was advertised when I ordered. And I wrote detailed instructions how to reach the building door and to leave them there.
But when the order arrived, the courier called me and insisted I either come outside to get the groceries or I give him the code to the building. I said no, leave them at the door. He argued, no, he needed to give them directly to me, what if there’s an issue. I said there’s no issue; leave them at the door as I said in my message. Phone call done.
He called back. He insisted he needed the code to the door. I told him, no, leave them at the door. He said he couldn’t. I said he could; people did all the time. Only people going to the building would see the bags. Again, he insisted on the building code. Again, I told him no, just leave them, what’s the problem? He acted quite upset that I wouldn’t meet him outside or give him the building code. I said again: Leave them outside by the door. And I hung up.
He called back for our third phone call in five minutes. He was literally hanging out at the door, waiting for me to allow him entrance into the building. Note that these couriers never enter the building anyway; usually I meet them outside the door to the building and take it inside. None in past expected to be allowed inside the locked building. Back and forth, back and forth: give me the building code. I said no. He got quite upset about this, said he needed it. I asked why. He said so he could give my order to me, that he’d bring it to my door. And I said: I’m telling you to leave it. People leave deliveries there all the time and it’s fine. No one is going to steal my breakfast cereal (and if they do, they probably need it more than I do). He insisted for the millionth time that he needed to hand it to me personally. I said no he doesn’t. I yelled: LEAVE IT AT THE DOOR. And I hung up. Again.
(I might add: this sounded much more dramatic in Hebrew; even my broken Hebrew. I think it’s the predominance of long vowels and guttural consonants.)
He left it. I waited five minutes before going out to grab the two paper bags. And everything was PERFECTLY FINE.
I reported him. You’re damned right I did. During a war where in the past few days, over 1,300 people were massacred and hundreds specifically were murdered by terrorists infiltrating their homes, was I going to give ANY stranger the building code? Absolutely not. It may be easy to get the building code from some but not from me. And the customer support agent agreed, this should never have happened, they had no idea why he would act this way, all deliveries were contactless due to the war. We talked a bit and I said, this behavior could really scare someone vulnerable right now. And it’s also, to be honest, a way terrorists actually could gain entrance to buildings. If they wanted to. It’d be EASY.
I think about that moment when he realized I was never giving him the building code. He seemed genuinely worried and upset. Is this me imagining things from paranoia? Or was he feeling I didn’t trust him, and he felt this was unjust? Well, what trust had he earned, some random guy I’d never met, going against company protocol, in an actual war zone?
I know how privileged I am just for the ability to order grocery delivery; trust me. And I thought we were okay-ish, because it’d been days since a siren. Of course, only a few hours later, we had another siren. They don’t forget Jerusalem; they just attend to us less.
I want to trust people but I don’t want to be murdered. I want to treat each stranger with equal grace and respect but I don’t want to be murdered. I want to see the good in everyone. But this past week, I know just how close are the people who see no good in me, and who want to murder me for it.
This is what war does. We have to feel unsafe in order to stay safe. I’ve got a stockpile of bomb shelter supplies in the second bedroom testifying to that.
We have to mistrust and misjudge so we don’t get murdered. It honestly reminds me of best practices at work. I’ve been using my professional knowledge in a possibly obnoxious but (in my opinion) important manner this week, responding to people in WhatsApp groups who post random forms requesting information. I reply with, “This is not a secure manner of patient intake. You don’t know who created this Google Form. No one should fill it out.” Or I reply with, “This is not an official charity and I don’t recommend people send money to a stranger’s Bit account on their say-so”.
And I’ve been called out for being heartless against our soldiers when I recommend people donate with official charities who know wtf they’re doing instead of some random bloke asking for money in a WhatsApp group so they can send the soldiers the wrong supplies at a higher price than a charity could get official gear for.
And I’ve been told I’m being too inflexible when I point out ANYONE with a gmail account could have created and sent that form, because Hamas wants to target vulnerable people and they’re actively adding Israeli numbers to groups that hate them and otherwise committing other cyber terrorism against them, once they have their private data.
So no, don’t fill out a random Google form saying you’re mentally affected right now from the war and want therapy assistance. Go directly to official sources. Only those.
Wartime means less trust and more subterfuge. It means staying paranoid. It means staying vigilant. So you and everyone you love stays alive and stays safe.
“But during these troubles, standards must be relaxed!” a woman told me today when I took issue with yet another random form someone posted, asking for personal health information and all contact details. “People are in such desperate need!”
“During these troubles,” I told her, “It’s even more important to keep high standards”. Because we KNOW people are trying to harm us RIGHT NOW. And because right now is when someone who exploits us can harm us the most.
