Ladies and gentlemen of the Facebook society, I regret to inform you that the world has allowed unscrupulous cotton swabs into the Italian supermarket.
Yesterday I purchased these unassuming creatures from the shelf and, in full expectation of a productive relationship, exchanged cash money for their services.
When I took them home and attempted to use them decently and in line with the most proper conduct, they failed even the lightest of duties, stalks bending at the slightest pressure. They whined to me: “Suzanne, what would you have us do? Be the least bit functional? We are of frail disposition. You expect too much.”
Wicked cotton swabs, yes, I expect you to be the least bit functional! I am appalled by your inefficaciousness. Is there no work ethic left among your kind? I think it must be, for swab after swab were proved weak and useless.
No wonder your parents abandoned you in the supermarket, selling you for only one euro.
