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Pikud HaOref (Homefront Command) updated their attack warning system to five stages and people have struggled to understand what each means exactly, so I thought I’d help:
Stage 1: BE THEE WARY, MORTALS, FOR EVIL IS AFOOT ACROSS THE LANDS
Stage 2: It’s coming!!!!!!!!!!! maybe to a bomb shelter near you, so go pee RIGHT …
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A random tourist turned to me today, asking, “Where are we?” Thus started the most satisfying encounter of my entire trip.
I blinked. “We’re at the Largo di Torre Argentina.”
I love how this ancient, sacred place is randomly in the middle of a busy Roman piazza filled with modern life (and lots of cats, …
I
“Are you married?” this random middle-aged dude we just met in the town square at midnight asked Shoshana as I walked up with our water.
She informed him she was. He looked at me expectantly.
“I’m not,” I said, politely playing my role.
“I may have a shidduch for you,” he told me. A shidduch …
R
I have the good fortune of a friend’s assistance this Passover in ridding myself of all chametz ownership.
Jes, thank you from the depths of my heart for being a True Friend™ and assisting me in leveling up re: spiritual purity and righteousness. You are, as always and in all things, a model of virtue.…
I
A friend asked me today if I had sent her a spam email from this address: suzanne.musin854@mipt.ru
No. I did not. Russian spam spies!! Impersonators!! Do not trust. And I’d like to take this opportunity to say to my Russian doppleganger:
1) I am so excited for you because for a brief moment in your …
T
I was watching a documentary on the princes in the tower where Tony Robinson claimed that Richard III might have been right to dispute Edward IV’s legitimacy because of this reason and that reason.
He said that if it was true that Edward was illegitimate, Richard III was the last legitimate monarch of England as …
C
I am too negligent a piano player to ever acquire advanced skills, so I am forever and always at a solidly intermediate stage. Anyone listening would rate it roughly at the level of “tolerable, I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me”.
That said, I have an immense passion for piano and take a …
F
Ladies and gentlemen of the Facebook society, I regret to inform you that the world has allowed unscrupulous cotton swabs into the Italian supermarket.
Yesterday I purchased these unassuming creatures from the shelf and, in full expectation of a productive relationship, exchanged cash money for their services.
When I took them home and attempted to …
I
An unholy battle commenced today with a fruit fly, perniciously smuggled in with the bananas last night in my grocery delivery.
All day I yelled and cursed at it and attempted, over and over, to smash its life into oblivion.
It skittered away, this way and that, weaving itself through the air, taunting me with …
T
Around 7:30 AM, I walked out to the bus stop and took a bus to the center of town. I hadn’t slept. I needed eggplants and garlic. I went grocery shopping, to the post office, to the bank, and finished all that up by around 9:30. I consulted the map on my phone. No bus …
D
I saw you yesterday and remarked on the poetic tragedy of your being separated from your giant moth lover (at least 5cm long) while it was here inside, terrorizing me. Yes, that’s a very sad story, I said, as you desperately hit yourself again and again against my window. You are out there and your …
D
I labored over this silly meme for two days in search of the right answers. Fictional people are important!
The first I thought of in an instant and never wavered.
The second entry stayed strongly in contention during the two-day debate of fictional Suz-like titans.
The third was the last to enter the fight, immediately …
T
Today is my last Fourth of July in the United States of America for a long time.
I love this day.
This concept that governments are here to give us the rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness—with our consent—and that they lose this consent if the government deviates from its …
T
When I walk down the street, I picture myself walking down an Israeli street. It might feel exactly the same.
That neighbor could be my Israeli neighbor, muttering in Hebrew with her husband instead of in English. Walking down random streets tends to feel the same way, no matter where I am walking.
The similarity …
M
Modern Hebrew and I are not BFFs. We are friends, or maybe ‘acquaintances’ is the more accurate description. I am on nodding terms with his grandfather, Biblical Hebrew, but the old man mostly acknowledges me back because he doesn’t want to embarrass me in front of everyone.
Really, it’s a pity nod.
I imagine Biblical …