A friend asked me today if I had sent her a spam email from this address: suzanne.musin854@mipt.ru
No. I did not. Russian spam spies!! Impersonators!! Do not trust. And I’d like to take this opportunity to say to my Russian doppleganger:
1) I am so excited for you because for a brief moment in your life, before reality sets in, people think you are me. It’s amazing, right? I do it full-time, every single day, and still I cannot get over it.
I am personally envious of YOU during this brief and hallowed moment in time. Join the Suzanne Musin party and welcome.
You’ve made it, comrade.
2) Speaking of comrade, WTF? We’re both of Russian origin, though I would suspect you are of the more recent variety and I only know how to say very rude curse words.
Still, 3/4ths of my family comes from the former Russian Empire. I ask you frankly: Where is the love of your fellow compatriot?
3) Though really, your ancestors probably tried to beat up and terrorize my ancestors. You may not be aware of this because things are SO harmonious today and everyone gets along perfectly, but Jews weren’t well-loved in the Russian Empire back in the day.
So I guess we can appreciate this historically accurate parallel to our modern times, wherein we both echo our ancestors’ roles and you attempt to abuse my worldly possessions and reputation and you torment my friends and I say GTFO and leave you behind, searching for better pastures.
4) And don’t worry; the remaining 1/4th of my family was not from Russia so they didn’t have to worry about anti-semitism at all. They came instead from Germany.
5) Seriously, suzanne.musin854@mipt.ru? Am I to believe that suzanne.musin@mipt.ru was already taken?
Musin is a Russian name but Suzanne is definitely not. And it was taken 853 times?? So untidy.
Take more pride in your work.
6) In conclusion: I hope you’ve had your fun, comrade. I am not sure what you’re hoping to accomplish but keep in mind that good always triumphs over evil and success through nefarious means is not true success.
So begone, diabolical villain, before I swear at you in Russian and I promise, I will misspell every word.
No one will be happy then.
